Killer Guy Race
by Young Plump
Summary: All the Guys participate in a race.
1. The Announcements

Troi (in an unknown location somewhere): I now announce the announcers, Cooper and Shawna!

Cooper and Shawna appear in a levitating announcers box for their own protection. Not that the Guy leaders care. A random audience of non-Guys and old Guys are watching.

Cooper (clears throat): Yes, we are here to announce the Kill the Guys Race!

Shawna (in a quieter voice): No honey, it says Killer Guys Race.

Cooper checks his papers.

Cooper: Mine says Kill the Guys Race. Hm, must be a mistake.

They continue in hushed conference until they are interrupted over the speaker.

Crusher (in a manly voice): Get on with it!

Cooper (neatens up his stack of papers): Yes, okay then. As we were. The...Race will be done on a track custom made by the Guy leaders. We are not authorized to release the length or locations or any other details at the present moment.

Shawna: All Guys are required to attend. They have been provided with car engines but they had to build the actual cars themselves.

Shawna: Alright, first with her Borg-modified ride she will surely win, Seven of Nine!

A door opens and Seven enters the room, which is huge, empty and black. She is driving a car shaped like a Borg cube with Borg spheres for wheels and the drivers seat is a Borg diamond.

Shawna: State the name of your car.

Seven: The... (Seven sits there with a blank look for a minute) ...Borg Cube.

Cooper: O...kay. Next, he's more likely to break a hip than a record, Jarem Kaz!

Jarem enters. His car is purple and actually looks more like a wheelchair.

Seven: Where's your engine?

Jarem: Engine? Oh, that old thing? Some kindly young fella needed it more than me so I gave it to him.

(Flashback) Jarem is working on his car. Riker enters in disguise.

Riker: Oh dear, whatever will I do without an engine?

Jarem: I have one of those!

Riker: You do? You could save my life! I'm in desperate need of one!

Jarem (hands him engine): Here ya go, young'un! (End Flashback)

Jarem: But I concocted a plump-based fuel system...thingy. I used your nutritious plump drinks. That stuff really packs a punch!

Seven stares at him.

Cooper: Car name?

Jarem: The Auto Plump.

Shawna: Next, she's a determined one, just don't get her hair stuck in your wheels, Rapunzel Moore!

Rapunzel drives up in a yellow and purple flower shaped car.

Rapunzel: I call it the Flower.

Cooper: Next up, he's easy to beat, but he just might win by accident if there's food involved, Tib Radke!

Tib comes in on a weird motorcycle type thing. He is eating.

Tib: Meet the Mo 2.0! It looks just like my first one, doesn't it?

Rapunzel: Oh Tib, I'm sure it does but we never saw it.

Tib (stuffing his face with something): Oh yeah.

Shawna: Next, maybe she can't walk but she sure can speed down the track, Ariel Benson!

Ariel rides in on a seahorse shaped motorcycle with bubbles for wheels and a fork sticking out the back. She waves to Tib and Rapunzel. Jarem waves but nobody realizes.

Shawna: Car name please?

Ariel: The Dinglehopper!

Cooper: Now, he's smart and accurate, but can even he survive this race course? Julian Bashir!

Julian enters. His car looks like a giant throwing dart with big racquetballs for wheels.

Ariel: Hi Julian!

Julian: Hey Ariel!

Cooper: Car name.

Julian: The Super Dart!

Shawna: Next, he seems cool and laid back, but he's got a million tricks up his sleeve, Dylan Hunt!

Dylan comes in. His car is tube-shaped like a force lance and has basketballs for wheels.

Dylan: This is the Force Lance.

Tib (sincerely): Wow! I would have never guessed!

Cooper: Coming up, he's good at many things but can he handle this competition and, more importantly, this track? Jack O'Neill!

Jack comes in. His car is all tricked out and fast looking and there's a fishing rod sticking out the back.

Dylan: Nice ride, dude. Planning on a fishing trip?

Jack: Sure thing. Wanna join?

Dylan: If there's a basketball court nearby!

Cooper: Ahem. Car name?

Jack: The Stargate!

Shawna: Next up, she'll hide her true intentions from you. Does she even wanna win? Trance Gemini!

Trance enters in a car that looks like a garden on wheels.

Trance: This is my Plant Car.

Cooper: Mm-hm. Next, will he make it through or get distracted by a scientific discovery on the way? Daniel Jackson!

Daniel comes in. His car is unrecognizable.

Trance: Uh, what is that supposed to be?

Daniel (looking very nerdy): Well, it's modeled after a transventral nuclear sonic reactor with a semi-micro valve on the-

Jack: Oh, can it Daniel. What's the name of it?

Daniel: Oh, um, the Transventral Nuclear Sonic Reactor-

Jack: Just leave it at that.

Daniel: Oh, okay.

Shawna: And next, you won't expect anything special from this one, Rose Dewitt-Bukater!

Rose enters in a car shaped like the Titanic.

Rose (in a dreamy voice as she stares lovingly at Jack): It's called the Titanic.

Jack (blowing kisses): Woo baby.

Cooper: Yes. Next up, he'll eat up the track, and if you're small and cute he might eat you up too, John Sheppard!

Sheppard comes in. His car looks like an open-topped racecar.

Sheppard: I call it (dramatic pause) ...The Shep-Attack!

Everyone screams and ducks.

Sheppard: No, I'm not going to have one! It's what I named my car.

Everyone sighs in relief.

Shawna: Coming up next, she's simple to beat because she will probably let you pass, Giselle Adams!

Giselle rides in on a very flowery car with a bunch of little animals on it.

Daniel: Hi Giselle.

Giselle: Oh, hello Daniel!

Giselle runs over to give Daniel a hug.

Shawna: Uh, please remain in or near your own car.

Giselle is now hugging Daniel. Jarem looks like he is waiting for a hug too but nobody realizes.

Cooper (in a low voice): You have to be direct with them, honey bunches. (in a louder voice) Giselle, please return to your own car.

Giselle: Okay!

Shawna: Giselle, state the name of your car.

Giselle: The Plant car.

Shawna: I'm sorry, but that name has already been used. Please select another one.

Giselle: Oh, okay. The Tree car then.

Cooper: Next, he's not very good at winning but he's good at getting in the way, Cam Mitchell!

Cam comes in. His car is very big but otherwise looks very normal and unimpressive.

Cam: It's called the Steam Roller

Cam accidentally bumps Rose's car.

Rose: Hey, watch out Cam!

Jack: Yeah, watch it! That's MY girlfriend, only I'm allowed to bump her car.

Rose looks at Jack as if he just said the most bestest thing ever.

Cam: Gosh, I didn't mean anything by it.

Shawna: Next, she can get rough and might shoot you with the gun she always carries around, Tamora Calhoun!

Calhoun comes in. Her car looks like a giant gun, and probably shoots like one too.

Calhoun: It's called the Cruiser.

Cooper (shocked): That actually sounds like a car name. Anyway, next, his stare will throw you off your game and his muscles will throw you off the track, Teal'c Cord'ai!

Teal'c comes in. His car appears like it came from Star Wars and looks as muscly as a car can look.

Seven: Hottie!

Teal'c: Ooh, hottie yourself.

Jarem (kind of whiny) Seven! Why don't you ever greet me like that.

Seven: He is my boyfriend. You are NOT.

Jarem: Why'd you have to emphasize not?

Seven: _**NOT**_

Jarem: Aww, now you're just overemphasizing!

Cooper: Ahem, name of car.

Teal'c: The Machine.

Shawna: O...kay then. Next up, he will probably weigh his car down and not go very fast, Wreck-It Ralph!

Ralph drives in on a car that looks like a giant fist. It's not built very well.

Ralph: The Wrecker.

Unidentified person: Looks like someone wrecked the Wrecker.

Some Guys laugh.

Ralph: Hey! I'll wreck _you_, whoever you are!

Cooper: Please calm down. Next, she may be a snotface sometimes but she probably has a gun hidden in her car, Samantha Carter!

Carter comes in. Her car looks like a blue jello cup.

Calhoun: Hey girl!

Carter: Woman!

Seven: Woman!

Jarem: Why can't I ever get that reaction from you, Seven?

Seven: She is a woman. You are _**NO-**_ ...wait...

Cooper: Car name?

Carter: The Jello Cup.

Shawna: Hmm. Next, she's a little brat who might have a tantrum if she doesn't win, Taffyta Muttonfudge!

Taffyta enters in her pink lollipop car.

Taffyta: The Pink Lightening!

Cooper: And now, nobody's desire to win is bigger than his but he has the worst luck, Turbo Candy!

Turbo drives in. His car is the one from his game Turbotime.

Turbo: You're all gonna lose!

Cooper: Car name?

Turbo: The Turbo-tasticar! Huh huh hoo! Turbo-tastic!

Shawna: Next, racing is in her code but is this track too much to handle? Vanellope von Schweetz!

Vanellope enters. Her car is the one she and Ralph made.

Vanellope: You're going down, Turbo!

Turbo (tries to think of something more clever to say but can't) YOU!

Shawna (sighs): Car name.

Vanellope: The Candy Kart!

Sheppard (whispering secretly to Julian): She looks yummy.

Julian backs away.

Cooper: Next, he can fix anything but can he fix himself after this race is done with him? Fix-It Felix!

Felix comes in. His car is a giant golden hammer with pies for wheels. It looks all perfect and shiny.

Felix: This is the Fixer.

Calhoun: I need some fixin'.

Felix gets the honeyglows and blows some kisses.

Shawna: Next, he's a risk taker, but does he really want to take this chance? Swizzle Malarkey!

Swizzle enters in his rainbow popsicle lollipop car.

Swizzle: The Tongue-Twister!

Cooper: Up next, he's adorable but he's really a little trickster, Gloyd Orangeboar!

Gloyd comes in on his candy corn themed car and a bunch of girls say awww.

Gloyd (looking cute): A-goo.

Taffyta(rolling her eyes): Boys.

Cooper: Car name?

Gloyd: The Kernel.

Shawna: Next, she's not the brightest candle on the cake but she's still a fire hazard, Candlehead Hersheydrop!

Candlehead enters. Her car looks like a chocolate cake with candles sticking out the top.

Candlehead: The Ice Screamer!

Daniel: But it's a cake.

Candlehead: So what!

Cam: Yeah Daniel, look at your car's name.

Daniel: My car's named exactly what it's modeled after.

Cam: Whatever.

Cooper: Next, she might seem sweet but her bite is pretty lethal, Minty Zaki!

Minty comes in. Her car looks like a green candy wrapper.

Minty: The Velociwrapper!

Rapunzel: Hey Minty!

Minty: Yo girl. Donut shopping later?

Rapunzel: You bet!

Tib: Donut?

Shawna: Next, she may be a warship but will this racetrack destroy her once and for all? The Andromeda Ascendant, a.k.a Rommie!

Rommie comes in. Her car is like a miniature version of her ship self.

Rommie: I call it the Andromeda!

Holographic Rommie appears.

Holographic Rommie: You know, naming the car after yourself is not wise.

A screen appears with another Rommie face on it.

Screen Rommie: It will only confuse people.

Rommie: You confuse people.

Everyone stares.

Rommie: You see? This whole conversation is confusing people! Leave.

They leave. Rommie lets out an exasperated sigh.

Cooper: Next, he might be smart but he could drop his food and mess his car up, Rodney McKay!

Rodney comes in. His car looks like a piece of cheesecake with donuts for wheels.

Tib: Mmm!

Tib is provided with a manwich so he won't eat Rodney's car.

Rodney: I call it the Food car.

Shawna (waits a moment to see if Rodney is serious): Um... Next up, he certainly can build a car but will he break down into a crybaby before he wins? Seamus Harper!

Harper comes in. His car looks like a small slipfighter ship.

Harper: Hey ladies!

The ladies don't even realize him there.

Shawna: Name of car?

Harper: Oh, uh, the Harpinator.

Cooper: Next, she's a little strange but don't get in this woman's way, Vala Mal Doran!

Vala drives in. Her car is basically a giant roller skate.

Vala: I'm gonna beat your butt, Zelazny!

Harper: You won't be thinking that when you find me waiting for you at the finish line, Boom box!

They laugh at each other like maniacs.

Cooper (a little nervous to interfere): Car name?

Vala: The Speed Skate!

Shawna: Coming up, can her suit protect her from this nightmare racecourse? Samus Aran!

Samus enters. Her car looks like the helmet of her suit, which she is wearing. The wheels look like the suit's shoulders. Samus sits there, waiting.

Shawna: State the name of your car.

Samus: I was supposed to name it?

Shawna: Yes

Samus: Um, well, I don't know.

Rodney: How about the Metroid?

Samus leaps out of her car and starts pointing her giant gun arm around.

Samus: Metroid!? Where!?

Rommie: You said the wrong thing, Rodney.

Holographic Rommie (appears right behind him): You always seem to say the wrong thing.

Rodney (jumps): Aah! (glares at Rommie) Must you do that?

Rommie shrugs and Holographic Rommie disappears.

Samus: Evacuate! Move, people, move! Metroids are dangerous!

Shawna: Calm down. There is no metroid. Now name your car real quick before the Guy leaders get impatient.

Samus: Okay, uh... let's just call it the Missile.

Cooper(whispering): You handled that well, dear. (normal) Next, he'll either bomb you or sneak right on by, Solid Snake!

Snake enters. His car looks like a cardboard box.

Snake: It's called the Box.

Samus laughs.

Samus: Come on, Snake. A box? You couldn't have done, like, a grenade or something?

Snake: Oh, there's grenades involved.

Shawna: Anyway. Next, she might be weird looking but she sure can pilot, Kaavi Deboer!

Kaavi comes in. Her car looks like a little shuttle thrown together with random parts. Jarem wolf-whistles.

Kaavi (staring lovingly at Jarem): It's called the Rocket.

Cooper: Next, he's got quite an attitude for such a little man, Gene LaMarch!

Gene enters. His car looks like a mini apartment building.

Gene: I call it the Penthouse.

Shawna: Next up, she will probably find something strange to crash into, Campbell Cooper!

Campbell drives up in her normal-person car.

Campbell: His name is Cumulus.

Cam: His?

Campbell: Don't you question me, Cameron!

Cooper: Next, she has lots of gadgets to help her along but will they be enough in this race? Lara Croft!

Lara enters. Her car is painted camoflauge and there are jungle leaves covering it.

Lara: The Tomb Raider!

Samus: You go girl!

Lara: Oh, heeeey!

Shawna: Coming up, she's nearly invincible but will this track take her down? Rogue Zann!

Rogue comes in. Her car looks like a green and yellow racecar.

Rogue: The Rogue car!

Rommie: I'm not the only one to name it after myself.

Cooper: Next, it's hard to tell how he drives his car but somehow he does, Clyde Deters!

Clyde drives in. His car looks like himself and even hovers like him.

Clyde: The Ghost.

Ralph: Fitting.

Shawna: Next up, she's a creeper Trill but she's got enough Klingon in her to be victorious, Jadzia Dax!

Dax comes in. Her car looks like a giant Trill symbiont with a Bat'leth on each side.

Dax: Meet the Killer Trill!

Jarem: Is that a real life giant symbiont?

Dax: Yes, on wheels.

Jarem (has a blank stare for a moment, then a really creepy smile): Okay!

Cooper: Next, he thinks he's handsome but what will he look like at the end of this race? Rancis Fluggerbutter!

Rancis comes in on his Reese's peanut butter cup car.

Rancis: The Kit Kart!

Daniel: But it's a Reese's peanut butter- (he shuts up when he sees Jack's look)

Shawna: Next, she might cheat her way to the finish line because she's evil, Shego Teroe!

Shego comes in. Her car looks like a giant green fireball.

Shego: The Plasma car.

Cooper: Next, he'll do anything to protect his family, even participate in this race, Grug Crood!

Grug enters. His car is a mini cave with giant rocks for wheels.

Grug: I call it the Ride, 'cause it rhymes with Grug.

Rapunzel: Actually it rhymes with Clyde.

Clyde: Man I coulda used that.

Shawna: Next, she can save the world but can she save herself from this? Kim Possible!

Kim drives in. Her car is the purple one she always drives.

Kim: I call it the Mission car.

Cooper: And last, he's got good ideas but can he think his way out of this mess? Guy Demicco!

Guy comes in. His car looks thrown together with sticks, rocks, plants, and tar.

Guy: It's called the Car.

Cooper: And that's all the contestants.

Shawna: The race will begin soon!


	2. The Car Race

All the Guys are lined up and ready for the race.

Cooper: The race is going to be postponed for a couple minutes.

Shawna: The Guy leaders are unsatisfied.

Kim, Shego, and Rogue suddenly drop down interrogation holes along with their cars.

Cooper: The race will start once the replacements are announced.

Shawna: One is Jubileena Bing-bing!

Jubileena comes in. Her car is a slice of cherry pie.

Jubileena: The Cherriot!

Julian: Hey Jubileena, it's been so long!

Jubileena: Juice!

Jubileena rushes over and attaches to Julian's leg.

Shawna: Jubileena, return to your car.

Jubileena: No!

Cooper: Do we need to call the Guy lea-

Jubileena is back in her car before he can finish the sentence.

Shawna: Another one is T-X Loken!

T-X enters in a big giant truck that she probably stole.

T-X: The Truck.

Shawna: And the last one is Telemachus Rhade!

Rhade drives in. His car has three long spikes sticking out the each side.

Rhade: The Blade.

Cooper: Okay, we are ready to begin. Start your engines!

The room is filled with the noise of many engines as the Guys start up their cars. Jarem's sounds pathetic.

A huge door in front of them lifts up to reveal the first stretch of the track.

Shawna (suddenly and without warning): Go!

Most of the Guys take off. A couple lag. The levitating announcer's box carrying Cooper and Shawna follow along.

Cooper: Starting out in the lead is Rodney with Tib right on his wheels!

Tib is ripping pieces off of Rodney's donut wheels. Rodney is losing control.

Shawna: Should we let that happen, Cooper dearest?

Cooper: Well, there are no rules. I don't think we should interfere...

Rodney veers off the track. Tib, who is not paying attention, kind of hits the Food car and crashes into a tree.

Shawna: Now taking the lead is Dylan with Cam right beside him!

Cam: Dude, you need a haircut.

Dylan (trying to get his hair out of his face but it keeps blowing back and there's a piece stuck in his mouth): What do you mean?

Cam just shakes his head. Dylan runs over a pothole that he couldn't see because his hair was in his face and slows down.

Cooper: Jubileena is sneaking by Cam to first place!

Cam: Hey, you little munchkin! Outta my way!

Jubileena: No!

Cam: I'll steam roll you over!

Cam proceeds to do that while Jubileena tries to dodge. Meanwhile, Lara and Samus pass by, driving right beside each other.

Lara:...and so I started wondering if he was serious or if he just hits on all girls like that...

Samus (would look extremely interested if you could see inside her helmet): Yeah?

Lara: Yeah, and so I asked him...

Suddenly Harper drives between them.

Harper: Excuse me, ladies!

Vala is right behind him. They end up right next to each other, taking turns inching ahead. Lara and Samus go back to their conversation.

Vala: I'm so beating you Zelazny!

Harper: You just wait for my great move, Boom box!

Harper's wheel hits a big rock and the Harpinator flips onto its side.

Vala (laughing): I'm not seeing any great moves!

Harper: You watch! It's coming!

The Harpinator skids to a stop on its side and Harper gets out to try and flip it back over. Lara and Samus separate to avoid him, but he screams like a baby anyway.

Cooper: Vala is in the lead and taking up the rear is Jarem!

Shawna: Actually honey, you missed someone.

Cooper: Correction, Sheppard is in the back.

Sheppard is desperately trying to free the Shep-Attack from quicksand.

Sheppard: Come on, why am I always stuck!?

Shawna: Vala is keeping the front spot, with Samus and Lara right behind her.

Harper, back on his wheels, is dangerously driving while trying to get a project of his to work.

Harper: Come on, work! You did fine in my test run!

Suddenly a giant bowling ball rolls onto the track and is heading srtraight for Harper. He screams.

Harper: I'm gonna die!

Harper's experiment finally works, opening a tiny slipstream portal. He enters it and rides slipstream until his machine runs out of power. He ends up right in front of Vala.

Harper: How'd you like that move, Boom box?

Vala: Yeah well I'm building up for my awesome move. Watch your back, Zelazny!

Meanwhile the bowling ball is going toward Minty.

Minty: AAAAAAH!

Rapunzel swerves into Minty and they both go off the road.

Minty: Oh look Rapunzel, a Dunkin' Donuts!

Rapunzel: Let's go!

The two of them abandon their cars to go donut shopping. The bowling ball rolls over Grug, who curls up in his cave-like car. It isn't crushed when the bowling ball is done rolling over it.

Grug: HA! I built the Ride to survive!

Then Grug and his car roll over a grenade and it explodes. All the wheels fling off. Grug sets to work trying to reattach them.

Snake: (laughing to himself): He never knew what hit him.

Cooper: Harper is in the lead with Vala close behind. Turbo is now in third and gaining fast!

Turbo: First place is mine! Hoo hoo!

The piece of road underneath the Turbo-tasticar springs up, flinging Turbo backward. He lands at the beginning.

Turbo: Back to start!? Not fair!

Turbo starts driving again. He passes by Sheppard, who has just freed his car from the quicksand.

Shawna: And Rancis takes the lead! Sheppard is still losing.

Rancis is very happy as he races along, but a wire appears across the track and knocks him out of his car. The Kit Kart rolls a little before halting. Rancis immediately begins having a tantrum. Gloyd laughs evilly as he passes.

Cooper: Gloyd leads the pack now, with Rose just behind him!

Rose slowly starts to overtake Gloyd.

Gloyd: I wanna win! Get behind me!

Rose: No, I can win too!

Rose begins inching to the front.

Gloyd: No, you can't! Stop for a second!

Rose: No!

Gloyd's eyes narrow and the next thing he says seems like the only sound to Rose for a moment.

Gloyd: I'll _kill _you.

Rose gets disturbed and swerves a little. Gloyd keeps on going.

In the back Sheppard is trying very hard to pass atleast one person. He goes by a lake where he sees Jack and Dylan fishing. He shrugs and keeps going, satisfied that he's not last anymore.

Dax approaches Gloyd in first place. She's riding the Killer Trill like a horse and there is a spear in her hand.

Gloyd (seeing Dax): Wah?

Dax throws the spear and it lodges in Gloyd's tire.

Gloyd: No!

The Kernel swerves off the track. Dax laughs maniacally.

In the middle somewhere Guy is hitting people off their cars with a boxing glove attached to a stick.

Guy: Take that!

Rapunzel screams as she lands on the ground.

Rapunzel: Buttmunch! You made me drop my donut!

Minty: Not the donut!

Guy hits Minty off too. He is about to hit someone else when he realizes who it is.

Guy: Oh hey there, little brother!

Swizzle smiles up at him like a happy little munchkin. Guy settles back into his car.

Guy: Doesn't this breeze feel nice in our wooshy long dude hair?

Swizzle: Oh yeah.

Turbo speeds by angrily, sending Guy and Swizzle's wooshy long dude hair flying in their faces. Gene and Rhade zoom by too.

Gene: Hey, Rhade!

Rhade: What do you want?

Gene: Your beard makes you look like Riker!

Rhade gets extremely angry at this terrible insult.

Rhade: Well, your mustache is... ugly!

They start bumping each other's cars. Carter passes by.

Carter: Ugh, men! Why must they always fight?

Campbell: Because they're idiots.

Carter: You're right!

Campbell: I learned that in your Carter Air Force school.

Carter: I've been thinking of renaming it Carter Air Force School for Women. What do you think?

Campbell: That's great! Then we wouldn't have to deal with any immature men.

Closer to the front Rommie and T-X are next to each other.

T-X: I am totally stronger and better than you.

Rommie: Not true. I could beat you in a fight anyday!

T-X: You most definately could not!

Rommie: Oh yeah? Wanna bet?

T-X: We shall.

Rommie: Okay, right here right now!

Rommie looks up as if she's searching for something inside her brain.

Julian (driving close by): Ladies, can't we settle this disagreement in a non-violent manner?

Before either answers the space ship Andromeda swoops down and shoots T-X. T-X and her truck are blown to pieces but she just heals herself and starts fixing her truck.

Julian moves his car away from Rommie, who looks proud of herself.

Cooper: In the lead now is Kaavi, with Teal'c in second place and Trance in third.

Jarem: You go, my lovely!

Kaavi doesn't hear Jarem because he's way in the back. Jack and Dylan, now done their fishing trip, pass by him and catch up with Sheppard.

Sheppard: Catch anything?

Jack: Nope, but that's not the point. The experience is the important part.

Sheppard just stares.

Close to the back, Calhoun is holding a rope tied to Felix as he tries to retrieve peices of their cars that are stuck in sink goo.

Felix: I almost have the last one!

Candlehead hits Calhoun as she's passing by and Calhoun falls on her face. Felix slips into the goo and starts sinking.

Felix: Oh my land!

Calhoun: Felix!

Calhoun starts desperately trying to pull him out. Luckily Felix manages to grab the last piece of car before he is rescued. They start fixing their cars. Ralph and Clyde drive by.

Ralph: Really? And the whole room was destroyed?

Clyde: Yeah. That's why the Bad-Anon meeting isn't until Wednesday.

Ralph: Ah.

Suddenly Clyde enters a pocket of zero gravity and he flings upward really fast. Ralph watches this happen curiously, then shrugs and continues on.

Near the middle of the race Taffyta, Rancis, Candlehead, and Vanellope have Tib boxed in. They are all nipping at him.

Tib: Aah! Evil munchkins, someone save me!

Giselle drives by oblivious to Tib's life-threatening danger and waves to them. Carter passes by as well.

Carter: Aww, how adorable.

The munchkins all smile at her sweetly before going back to chewing Tib's leg off.

Tib (into a walkie-talkie): Dylan, we have a code yellow!

Dylans voice over the walkie-talkie: Aw, Tib! Just don't get it in the engine!

Meanwhile near the front, Ariel is driving along innocently when all of a sudden Clyde and his car fall out of the sky and land on her.

Ariel: Hey, where'd you come from?

Clyde: I have no idea...

In the front Gloyd and Jubileena are avoiding Cam, who is trying to steam roll them over, when they all crash into a wall painted to look like it was the racetrack.

Other Guys crash too until they all do and it's a giant pile of Guys and their cars. Then all the cars vanish and the Guys are left laying and sitting on the ground.

Daniel: What's going on?

Cooper and Shawna catch up in their levitating announcer's box.

Cooper: You are not allowed to use your cars for the other sections of the race.

Trance: Why not?

Shawna: Because that is the way the Guy leaders want it to be.

Dax: Aww, I loved my Killer Trill.

Jubileena: I got here first.

Gloyd: Nuh-uh! I hit the wall first, I win.

Jubileena and Gloyd start rolling around on the ground, wrestling.

Cooper: Pay attention, please. You will all attend a dinner tonight.

Tib (who was just sleeping on the ground): Dinner?

Shawna: It will be soon. We are going to go prepare it. Wait here until further notice.

Shawna and Cooper float away, leaving the Guys sitting there confused.


	3. The Dinner

The Guys are just milling about waiting for dinner. Tib has fallen back asleep, Carter and Samus are trying to pull the wrestling munchkins apart, and Sheppard is trying to hit golf balls into cups. Nobody has joined him.

Cam (groans): How long is this going to take! It's been like five hours!

Campbell: It's been ten minutes, Cameron. Be patient.

Cam: I'm hungry, Cam. A man can't be patient when he needs to eat.

Tib (wakes up a moment): Eat?

Cooper walks up.

Jack: Is it ready?

Cooper: No, I just came to make sure you were all still here.

Cooper walks away. The Guys wait quite a while longer. Jarem is blabbing away to everyone while only Kaavi listens, Dax is performing some weird Trill ritual that she probably just made up, and the munchkins are seeing who can annoy Snake the most.

Finally Shawna approaches cautiously.

Shawna: If you'll follow me in an orderly fashion, please.

She turns around and starts walking, trying not to look behind her. Somehow they arrive at the dinner without much incident. Cooper is waiting at the door.

Cooper: It is buffet style. Line up.

All the Guys push, pull, hit, bite, kick, punch, slap, pull hair, shoot, vaporize, snap necks, Shep-attack, rip, poke, steam roll and kill for the front.

Cooper: Get in line or you won't be fed.

The Guys line up very nicely, perfectly calm now. Cooper opens the door. The Guys all try to rush in but they get tased.

Shawna: I'm sorry, but that will happen if you don't behave.

The Guys get back in line and enter. The first in line, Ariel, grabs a plate and starts on the buffet. Tib grabs five plates.

Daniel: Um, Ariel, how exactly are you wal...

Ariel stares at him expectantly, smiling.

Daniel: Nevermind.

Ariel turns back to the food and gets a shocked expression.

Ariel: Fish! How could anyone- uh! The nerve!

Ariel huffs away to the salad bar.

Rodney (pointing to a bunch of citrus fruits): Don't eat those! Those are very bad!

Calhoun, Carter, Lara and Seven ignore him and fill their plates with citrus fruit.

Daniel is getting food next to Clyde.

Daniel: Um, Clyde, how are you even...

Clyde stares at him impatiently, frowning.

Daniel: Nevermind...

Jack: Gosh Daniel, just leave people alone.

Vanellope (trying to climb up Jack's leg): Jackelope! You're leg is as fat as a tree trunk so I can't climb it and I can't reach the table!

Jack ignores that insult and puts Vanellope on the counter. All the other munchkins start whining at a nearby Guy to get up there too. Random Guys help them.

Rapunzel: Grug, I think you're supposed to put the food on your plate and get a table before you eat it.

Grug (stops stuffing his face): Oh. I was wondering why I was the only one eating.

Jarem: Ooh, I found the plump section!

Dax: Actually that's a footprint trail that Minty left on the counter. Don't tell me you can't tell true plumps from footprints!

Jarem (shrugs): Never could.

Jarem puts it on his plate anyway.

Rhade is finally done filling his plate and is heading for a table. Guy runs into him and makes him drop his plate.

Guy: I am so sorry! Really, really sorry!

Rhade is standing there very angry looking, clenching and unclenching his fists.

Guy: You won't believe how sorry I am right now. Super duper sorry!

Rhade's anger is building.

Guy: It won't happen again. (looks at his own full plate, then shoves it into Rhade's hands) Here, have mine!

Rhade instantly looks content and continued to his table. He stops in his tracks when he sees that _his_ table is filled. His anger is building...

At a random table a safe distance from...that, Dylan and Julian are playing Go while they eat. Also at the table is Rose and Jack, unrelentlessly making out. Dylan and Julian are distracted.

Dylan: Do you think maybe we should...move?

Julian (inches his chair away from the couple): I don't know. What do you think?

Dylan glances at the slobbery mess.

Dylan: Yes, let's move.

They grab up the Go game and their food and begin searching for a more decent looking table. Jarem and Kaavi join Rose and Jack.

Rodney is innocently enjoying himself as he eats and chats with Rommie (but mostly eats).

Rodney: I really like these mashed potatoes, mmmm!

Rommie: That's nice.

Rodney: Is that you touching me under the table?

Rommie: No.

Rodney lifts the tablecloth to peek under the table and comes face to face with Seven.

Rodney: Aah! What are you doing under there?

Seven: Making sure you are sticking to your diet. Which you are not.

Rodney replaces the tablecloth and awkwardly returns to eating.

Carter (walking by): Hey Seven.

Seven (from under the table where people can't see her): Hello.

Rodney stares after Carter, who trips over Jubileena and lands face first in her food.

Carter: Awww!

Then Teal'c comes up to Rodney's table and lifts the tablecloth.

Teal'c: I am ready.

Seven exits the table and leaves with Teal'c.

Rodney: Am I the only one who didn't know she was under there? (he looks at Rommie) Did you know?

Rommie: Yes.

Rodney: And you didn't tell me?

Rommie: You didn't ask.

Teal'c and Seven are trying to find a table. Seven sees Jarem trying to wave her over to him but she ignores him.

Teal'c: How about we go sit with Jack, Rose, Kaavi, and Jarem?

Seven: Okay.

They pass by Ariel on their way.

Ariel: Scrambled eggs, Teal'c!

Teal'c does that weird little smile with his eyes closed for a second, then continues on.

Somewhere else, Calhoun and Felix are just sitting down at a table. Sheppard is already there with Vanellope, Harper, Vala, and Ralph.

Sheppard: Why aren't you two sitting at that boyfriend and girlfriend table? (he points to the table with Rose, Jack, Jarem, Kaavi, Seven and Teal'c)

Calhoun: Are you trying to stereotype us?!

Felix: Calm down, Babycakesface.

Sheppard: I just thought that that's where all couples went.

Calhoun: Felix and I have more of a life.

Felix: You are my life.

Calhoun: Awwww, you're so... Come here!

They start making out.

Vanellope: Eww!

Vala and Harper start mocking them with kissy noises, Sheppard switches seats with Vanellope so he's farther away from them, and Ralph is too busy eating to notice.

At some other table Turbo and Trance are sitting.

Turbo: ...and I was winning! I always win of course.

Trance (excitedly): You do?

Turbo: Yeah! And you wanna know what happened next?

Trance: Ooh, tell me!

Turbo: I got eaten by a Cybug.

Trance (in awe): Wow, that is sooo brave of you!

Turbo is gloating and enjoying the attention. Daniel, Gloyd, and Giselle approach and sit down.

Trance: Turbo's really brave! He got eaten by a Cybug once.

Giselle: Wow! That's like the bravest, manliest thing ever! What's a Cybug?

Trance: I don't know!

They both giggle and shower Turbo with attention. Gloyd glares at Turbo.

Gloyd: Stop stealing my friend! She's supposed to think _I'm_ brave and manly!

Daniel distracts Gloyd with some food before he can attack.

At another table is Samus, Snake, and Lara. Samus and Lara are just sitting there staring at each other and laughing every once in a while. Snake is getting very fidgety. Finally he can't stand it anymore.

Snake: Will you two stop doing that!

Samus and Lara glare at him.

Lara: You interrupted.

Snake: You were creeping me out!

Lara eats a bite while still glaring at Snake. Samus takes her helmet off to eat. Her hair wooshes out and the tip of her ponytail goes in Lara's food. Neither woman seems to notice.

Somewhere under a table, Rancis is pouring clam juice, clams included, into Campbell's sneaker while Swizzle watches.

Campbell: My sock feels wet.

Cam: Maybe a munchkin is peeing in your shoe.

Candlehead laughs.

Swizzle (muffled under the table): Hey, that's a good idea.

Campbell screams in disgust and jumps up, knocking the table over on Cam and Candlehead. She accidentally kicks Rancis in the face and steps on Swizzle's hand. All three munchkins start crying.

Cam: Aww, now we have to get them to stop! Do you know how long that takes?

Campbell: Yeah, I always have to wait for you to calm them down because your ugly face scares them.

While that is going on, T-X is sitting at a table somewhere all alone, not doing anything. Just sitting there. Julian and Dylan are still searching for a decent looking table. They see T-X.

Dylan: Should we go sit with her? She looks lonely.

Julian: Yeah, I kinda feel bad.

They head over. Before they reach the table T-X turns and gives them a look. They pretend like they were just passing by and go find another less-menacing table.

At a table near the buffet Gene, Grug, and Taffyta are sitting. They are staring at Rhade, who is still glaring at the full table which he had claimed as his. Tib is with them also but he keeps making trips to the buffet and doesn't notice Rhade.

Gene: Do you think he's ever gonna move?

Grug: I don't think so. He's been like that since we got here.

Taffyta: He can come sit with us. We have room.

Gene shrugs. Grug eats. Tib returns, gobbles, and gets back up.

Taffyta: I'm gonna go ask him.

Taffyta walks up to Rhade.

Taffyta: Do you want to come sit with us?

Rhade's built up anger explodes. He slams his (or rather, Guy's) food tray down on Taffyta and stomps over to _his_ table. Taffyta starts crying and runs back to hers.

Rhade is standing over _his_ table, which contains Sheppard, Harper, Vala, Vanellope, Ralph, Felix, and Calhoun.

Rhade: This is MY table.

Vala: It's kind of ours since we're here.

Rhade: Then you'll just have to leave.

Sheppard: Let's not get into an fight here.

Vanellope (chanting): Fight, fight, fight... oh...

Rhade reaches for the closest person, which is Felix, to remove him. Calhoun flips out her gun and shoots Rhade across the room. Harper screams like a girl and hides under the table. Sheppard looks shocked, Vala is laughing at Harper, Vanellope is clapping, and Ralph is too busy eating to notice.

Calhoun: You will not lay a finger on my cute little adorable man!

Felix (admiring Calhoun): Jiminey Jaminey, she sure is a dynamite gal!

Sheppard: A little overprotective there, aren't you?

Calhoun: Don't you stereotype me!

Sheppard raises his hands in submission. Satisfied, Calhoun sits back down and they all return to eating as if nothing happened.

Meanwhile Rapunzel and Minty are finished their dinner and are now looking through their boxes of donuts and muffins. Dax is watching them.

Dax: How many donuts did you guys buy?

Rapunzel: Alot.

Dax: Can I have one?

Minty (grabbing up the boxes to herself): NO!

Minty growls.

Dax: Okay, okay. I'll just go get my own dessert.

Dax leaves them to their donut obsession. Elsewhere...

Daniel: ...and a transventral nuclear sonic reactor is a nuclear powered reactor with a semi-proton inducer that sends induced protons through a central valve and-

Giselle looks very interested as Daniel goes on even though she has no idea what he's talking about. Suddenly Daniel gets a strange feeling. He looks behind him and sees Jack across the room giving him a scary look.

Daniel: ...aaaand that's pretty much it.

Giselle: Yay!

Cooper and Shawna enter. Shawna goes to the corner a smoking Rhade landed in and revives him.

Cooper: Everyone finish up and follow me. Time for the next event.


	4. The Maze, Part 1

Cooper and Shawna eventually somehow kind of almost get the Guys under control long enough to lead them to the next event. On the way Snake and T-X are sucked down interrogation holes. Nobody cares.

Cooper: Here you will have to get through an obstacle maze.

Shawna: Proceed.

Cooper and Shawna swiftly move out of the way as the Guys all stampede into the maze entrance.

Taffyta: I have to go first so I can win!

Cam kicks Taffyta to the side.

Cam: Move aside, little munchkin. Let the men go first.

Cam jumps onto the first floating platform in a shark filled lake.

Harper: Men go first? Let me through then!

Harper tries to shove his way to the front of the crowd but Vala pushes him into a wall.

Vala: That was just Cam being stupid, Zelazny. Besides, you hardly count as a man.

Vala follows Cam. Daniel takes a different route to the right. Giselle, Jack, Rapunzel, Ariel, and Carter follow him for no reason.

Calhoun is running through the maze when she enters an open space with two other tunnels. Rodney comes from one tunnel and Turbo comes from the other. They all ignore each other and keep going. Turbo goes in Rodney's tunnel, Rodney goes in Calhoun's, and Calhoun goes in Turbo's.

Meanwhile Lara, Rose, Grug, and Trance are running down a very long, open tunnel. Suddenly Lara finds herself in the jungle and she hears voices.

Voice: I see her! Over there!

Other Voice: There she is!

Lara hears gun shots.

Lara: Oh no! They spotted me!

Rose, Grug, and Trance stare at Lara like she's crazy. Then Rose finds herself on the Titanic.

Rose: It's sinking! Quick, we have to get to the lifeboats!

Grug sees a giant monster cat chasing them.

Grug: Run, I will protect you random people like my own family!

Trance sees an exploding sun.

Trance (crying): No! I can't bear to watch it! (points to a cave) Let's go in that cave so I don't have to see this!

Grug: Yes, to the cave! I will block the entrance with a boulder so the giant cat won't get us.

Lara: I can hide in that cave from those people shooting at me.

Rose: Uh, guys, that's not a cave. It's a lifeboat and we need to get in it now or we'll all drown!

They all run for the cave/lifeboat. Lara gets there first and runs into a wall. Grug runs into her and Rose and Trance run into him. The different places they thought they were in disappear and they find themselves back in the maze tunnel.

Trance: Huh? What happened?

Grug: If you don't know, I certainly don't. Where'd Lara go?

Rose: You crushed her into the wall with your fatness!

Rose peels Lara off the wall. Lara coughs. They continue forward and don't look back.

In a room with tons of doors Julian, Rhade, Dax, and Sheppard are trying to choose which door to go in.

Dax: Let's pick the most dangerous looking door!

Julian: I think we should go with the safest looking one...

Rhade: How about the one that looks like it would lead us out of the maze?

Sheppard: Where are you guys getting all this? All the doors look the same!

Suddenly all of the doors except one open and old Guy zombies come in.

Julian: That's creepy...

Dax: Cool!

Zombie Kirk: Get them, my zombie minions!

Zombie Thayer: Yes Master.

Zombie Eric grabs Sheppard's shirt but Sheppard kicks him off and runs toward a door. It doesn't open.

Sheppard: Arg! Does anyone remember which door didn't open? That's probably our way out!

Rhade (trying to pull Zombie Crumbelina off his face): No, I wasn't paying attention!

Julian (running from Zombie Janeway): Me neither. How could we not pay attention!

Dax: I was!

Sheppard: Well, which door then?

Dax: I don't know, I got distracted. Oh, hey girlfriend!

Zombie Ezri: Heeeey!

Zombie Kirk: Focus!

Zombie Ezri: But she's mah bro, maan.

Zombie Kirk: I don't care! Get her!

Zombie Ezri obeys and tries to get Dax. Julian punches Zombie Kahn away.

Julian: Hey, you were never a Guy! Why are you here?

Zombie Kahn: I applied for some extra-curricular stuff at the Guy Academy and I got sent here.

Julian: Oh...

Rhade: Hey guys, I found the open door!

Dax, Julian, and Sheppard run from a mob of zombies toward Rhade, who is standing next to an open door and fighting off the zombie army. Well, he'd like to think that. He's really on the ground with like forty of them on top of him. Dax goes all Klingon Trill woman on the zombies and the four Guys manage to escape through the open door, which closes behind them.

Sheppard: Whew! We got out unharmed!

Rhade, who was greatly harmed and almost died out there, glares at him. His anger is building.

Sheppard: I mean, uh, atleast we got out alive?

Rhade is satisfied.

Dax: Let's do it again!

Julian drags Dax down the new tunnel and they move on.

Rodney is running through the tunnel which is now named Rodney's tunnel. He somehow exits out of the one called Calhoun's tunnel into the open space. Turbo exits Rodney's tunnel, and Calhoun comes out of Turbo's.

Rodney: And here we are again! That was the twenty-fourth time!

Turbo: This is very annoying!

Calhoun: Obviously they are all connected. Maybe we should try going together.

All three enter Rodney's tunnel, run through it without seeing any turns, and come out again through Turbo's tunnel.

Rodney: Let's try Turbo's now since we just came out of it.

They run through Turbo's and come out of Rodney's.

Calhoun: Okay, that makes sense...

Turbo: It's gotta be Calhoun's then!

They run through Calhoun's and come back out through Turbo's.

Turbo: How is that even possible!

Calhoun: Okay, try walking slowly through your own tunnels.

Each of them do that, following the tunnel named after themselves. Calhoun comes out of Rodney's, Rodney comes out of Turbo's, and Turbo comes out of Calhoun's.

Calhoun: If we all go in our own and come out of each other's, then why don't we ever see each other inside the tunnels?

They all look at each other, disturbed.

At a four way intersection somewhere, Daniel, Giselle, Ariel, Jack, Rapunzel, and Carter are discussing which way they should go. It's actually mostly just Daniel talking.

Daniel (looking at a map he drew along the way): If we go left, we will probably be heading in the right direction, but that might be what they want us to think, so if we go right we won't be falling for their trick and we could get out of the maze, but then there's the possibility that it's not a trick, and...

Daniel cuts off when gets a look from Carter.

Carter: You are going about this the wrong way, Daniel. Give me that. (she snatches the map) If you look at this, you can see a pattern. If the pattern is continuous, we should go straight. But it might not be continuous, or it could be a trick, or-

Jack: Ahpuhpuhpuhpuh! Enough! There are certain people here that don't know what you're talking about!

Daniel: Like you.

Jack: No! Like these stu-, uh, nice young ladies here.

Jack gestures to Giselle, Ariel, and Rapunzel, who just stand there and smile.

Jack: So just tell me which way to go.

Daniel: Um, straight.

Jack: Finally!

Jack leads the way down that tunnel.

Somewhere else Taffyta, Minty, Rancis, Vanellope, Gloyd, Candlehead, Jubileena, and Swizzle are running along making good progress, or so they think. They see a little spiral staircase in the distance. When they finally get to it, it's huge. Jubileena reaches for the top of the first stair but it's high above her head.

Rancis: What do we do?

Candlehead: We could try the munchkin launch.

Rancis: That could work.

Gloyd and Swizzle connect hands and Minty gets in their arms.

Vanellope: Aaaand... fire!

Gloyd and Swizzle launch Minty into the air toward the first step. She doesn't quite make it, falling back to the ground in a crumpled heap.

Minty: Ow.

Taffyta: That didn't exactly work.

Gloyd: How about the crazy munchkin climb? It works on people.

Candlehead: Yeah, let's try it.

All of them crazily rush toward the step and try to scramble up it with thier tiny munckin fingernails and teeth, but they keep sliding back down.

Jubileena: Maybe the munchkin ladder?

Rancis: Yeah, that should do it!

Jubileena climbs on top of Rancis and stands on his shoulders. Candlehead climbs up to stand on Jubileena, then Gloyd, Vanellope, Taffyta, and Minty until they are all standing on each other in a tower. Swizzle scurries up them and manages to pull himself onto the first step. He helps the others up and they all collapse.

Rancis: You guys are heavy!

Vanellope: That was hard!

Minty: And there's like a zillion more stairs to go!

Jubileena: We'd better get moving then.

The muchkins get ready for another round.

In another section of the maze Dylan, Teal'c, Samus, and Gene are somewhat jog-walking through a corridor. Suddenly the walls start rippling and an older Dylan with grey streaks in his hair steps out, followed by an older, grey-haired Teal'c, older Gene with grey in his mustache, and Samus, who they assume looks older even though they can't see her face.

Teal'c: Who are you?

Older Teal'c: We are you from the future.

Future Dylan: We have come to make sure you don't make the same mistakes we did and ruin the future.

Gene: Why? What's your future like?

Future Samus: We don't know. We're still trapped in this maze.

Dylan looks shocked, Teal'c looks slightly surprised (but only very slightly) Samus' helmet doesn't reveal her reaction, and Gene looks like he's about to have a heartattack.

Gene: You mean we'll be stuck here forever!

Future Gene: You would be, but you might not be if you listen to us.

Samus: _Might_ not be?

Future Dylan: Back when we were your age, our future selves tried to help us, but it didn't work. We learned from those mistakes, so we think we can help you better.

Dylan: O...kay. What do we do?

Future Samus: We will go with you and show you which wrong turns and choices we made.

Future Teal'c: But we must hurry. We don't have much time before we have to return to the future, where we will be forever stuck in this death maze.

Future Dylan: Oh, now I'm _really _looking forward to going back.

Dylan: Let's get going then!

They set off.

Back in that one open space Calhoun and Turbo are watching Rodney flipping out. He is running back and forth through each tunnel as fast as he can.

Turbo: Heh heh hoo!

Calhoun: It's not funny! We have to keep our heads if we ever want to get out of here!

Turbo: Hoo hoo!

Calhoun walks over to stand in front of Rodney's tunnel and holds her arm out in the entrance. It takes a while for Rodney to come through that tunnel, but he eventually does. He runs into Calhoun's arm and flips over onto his back.

Turbo: Huh huh hee!

Calhoun: Calm your butt down, Rodney! We have to think to get out of this.

Rodney: We tried that!

Calhoun: Well, whatever you were trying to do certainly wasn't solving the problem.

Turbo: Hoo hoo hah!

Calhoun: And you... (points to Turbo)... really need to stop laughing every five seconds!

Turbo just glares at her.

Rodney: Okay, okay. Let's think then. All three tunnels are strangley connected somehow. They are the only tunnels in this room. Therefore, there is no way out!

Rodney panics again and runs into a wall, knocking himself out.

Calhoun: Augh! Men! Why couldn't I have been stuck here with some level-headed women?

In some other tunnel Rommie, Vala, Seven, Harper, Felix, Kaavi, Ralph, Jarem, Campbell, Clyde, and Cam are waiting for Tib to finish his nap. While they wait they are trying to pick which way to go between a sparkly pink flowery tunnel and a boring plain grey tunnel.

Rommie: The grey tunnel is the best choice here because it seems more normal, so it's got to be safer.

Seven: I agree.

Clyde: I think it's a trick. The pink tunnel disturbs me so it's probably safe.

Campbell: Hmm, he has a point. I think I'll go with pink.

Jarem: I'm going with pink 'cause I like it.

Kaavi: I'm going with pink 'cause Jarem is.

Vala: Me and Zelazny are going to pink, too.

Harper: Can't I pick my own tunnel?

Vala: No.

Ralph looks over and sees Tib awake and eating corn on the cob.

Ralph: Hey, where'd you get that corn?

Tib (quickly finishing the corn): Nothing.

Clyde leads Vala, Harper, Jarem, Kaavi, and Campbell down the sparkly pink tunnel and Seven leads Cam, Ralph, Rommie, Felix, and Tib down the dull grey tunnel.

In a random dark hallway somewhere Dax, Julian, Sheppard and Rhade are walking. They walk through a door at the end and come to a clear, sphere-shaped room. The door disappears behind them.

Sheppard: Does anyone see a way out of here?

Dax: No, but I see myself.

Dax is on the floor looking at a reflection of herself.

Julian (sees himself on the wall): It's like a giant mirror ball.

Sheppard: Hey Rhade, is that a mirror reflection or is that really you up there?

Rhade (standing upside down on the ceiling): It's really me. Is it really _you_?

Dax: How did you get up there?

Rhade: I just walked up the wall.

Julian: See any doors up there?

Rhade dramatically looks around, appears to see something, then shakes his head.

Rhade: Nope.

Sheppard: We have serious door problems.

In that room Turbo is pacing, Calhoun is thinking, and Rodney is just waking up. Suddenly they hear footsteps. Calhoun shoves Turbo and Rodney against the wall and stands beside Turbo's tunnel, where the footsteps are coming from.

Guy comes out. Calhoun grabs him and points a gun at his head. She holds him there while Turbo paces back and forth in front of him.

Turbo: Where did you come from?

Guy: Uh, that tunnel...

Turbo: No! Where were you before that tunnel?

Guy: I've been walking in that tunnel for so long that I don't remember.

Rodney runs down Turbo's tunnel and comes out of Calhoun's.

Rodney: Still not working.

Calhoun drops Guy on the ground and puts her gun away.

Calhoun: Get comfy, Guy. You're gonna be here for a while.


End file.
